I know I’m not a perfect parent. God’s Word, my conscience, my children, and society remind me of that regularly. It’s easy to focus on that and lose sight of the other truths that God’s Word reveals or the moments when I do get it right. That’s why I think it’s important to be reminded continually of some basic Christian parenting truths. When you feel inadequate as a parent, remember . . .

Nicole Balza

It’s the end of the day. The kids are settled into bed for the night. You have a few minutes to relax and reflect on the day. A lot of great things happened today, but as you reflect, that voice creeps in reminding you of the not-so-pleasant moments. Your patience may have worn a bit thin trying to get them to school or activities on time. You overheard your child speaking harshly to a sibling, using words you’ve used in the past. That voice loves to tell you that all of these moments had something to do with you and your parenting. That feeling of inadequacy can be defeating and discouraging. “If only I . . .”

Parenting is full of joys and precious moments. It’s also an overwhelming responsibility. It’s not surprising to feel ill-equipped. Countless books have been written, and maybe you’ve read some of them. They may have good suggestions and ideas. But at the end of the day, it’s on you. It’s easy to look at those moments of struggle and be critical of yourself. If only I . . ., you may think.

This is a great time to turn to the Word. Be reminded that being a parent is a God-given role. God didn’t give children only to perfect parents. Those parents don’t exist. God so often uses us as flawed individuals to carry out his work. Parenting is just that—his work. We aren’t perfect, but we have a perfect Savior who dearly loves us and our children.

For our impatience, harsh words, and lack of understanding for our children, we go first to Jesus for his forgiveness. As forgiven children of God, we can go to our children and admit when we’re wrong and ask them for forgiveness. What a gift and model for them. We also embrace our role of setting boundaries, nurturing and directing our children on their path to growing up guided by the Word.

God also blessed us with friends and family. Reach out to that trusted individual who can listen and encourage you in your God-given role. Together you can build each other up.

“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3). What a gift God has given us in our children! With this gift comes his promise to be with us, encourage us, guide us, and bless the children he has given us.

“If only . . .” No need. We have God the Father with us.

Cindi Holman

Who better to write about parental inadequacy than Jim Aderman? I have a half-century’s experience as an inadequate parent and grandparent.

I know I am inadequate because I don’t measure up to the parenting articles I read. When my kids were growing up, they frequently pointed out how I could improve as a parent. Of course, God’s Word points out my fatherly failures. And my conscience taunts, “See, you are a failure.”

Wait. That’s not the place to start this article. Let me begin again.

Who better to write an article about being an inadequate parent than the more-than-adequate “Papa” Aderman?

What? Jim Aderman is an adequate parent? Yes. Grace allows me to claim for my parenting what Paul claimed for his apostleship: “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God” (2 Corinthians 3:4,5).

There’s no doubt I fail as a parent. I am like Paul who regularly failed as a child of God (Romans 7:19). But the foundational truth for every believer is that, in Jesus, we are nonetheless competent. Here’s why: “Our competence comes from God.”

When I evaluate my parenting, I first remind myself of the high position Jesus has won for me. I am a victorious child of God who is seated with him in the heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). I am a temple where the Holy Spirit lives (1 Corinthians 6:19). Good Friday’s “It is finished” (John 19:30) proves it.

But don’t miss this: Grace-granted competency does not allow me to excuse my parenting ineptness. It does not allow me to justify continuing to fail. My high position empowers me to own my failures, confess them, celebrate my forgiveness for them, and energetically press forward toward living as the competent, adequate parent that grace declares I am.

In Jesus, you are also a competent, adequate parent. Stand strong in that truth.

James Aderman

The elaborate castle cake was completed in the wee hours of the morning. Excited to present the cake to her young son, the exhausted mother fell asleep with dreams of frosted turrets and knights on guard. Imagine her dismay the next day when the birthday boy innocently asked, “Where’s the dungeon?”

Whether it’s the trip home from the hospital with your tiny newborn strapped tightly into her car seat (“Do we even know what we’re doing?”); dealing with unexpected medical, behavioral, or academic challenges; or losing your cool when the milk spills once too often, parenting definitely has times when even the most experienced can feel inadequate. And just when you think you’ve figured out one stage, your child moves into another or his sibling has completely different needs. Not to mention, when you take a break and check social media, you notice other families with better Christmas traditions, better summer vacations, and better kids than you! What is a parent to do?

First, take comfort in your identity as a redeemed child of God. “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name; you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1). We are imperfect, inadequate, and sinful, and we live in an imperfect world. But because Jesus was completely perfect and sinless for us and because the Holy Spirit has brought us to faith in this Savior, every discipline mistake, every impatient moment, every incorrect decision, every misplaced priority is forgiven. And as you read the Bible, note that its pages are full of fallen sinners loved and forgiven by our heavenly Father!

In a Christian family, our inadequacies are covered by the perfect love of Jesus.

Second, ask God to keep you and your God-given family close to him through regular worship, Bible study, devotions, prayer, and the use of his precious sacraments. These spiritual gifts will strengthen and uphold you in the long days and nights of parenting.

Lean on the blessings of the supports God places around you—your spouse, extended family, friends, pastors, teachers, and babysitters. A talk with fellow parents will reveal that the tooth fairy forgot to come to their child’s pillow too and they are going through some of the same joys and concerns that you face. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if the feelings of inadequacy are overwhelming.

Finally, keep a mental or a real list of parenting positives. Thank God for the amazing road trips; the new puppy; the walks to the library; bedtime stories; brownie baking; snow day sledding; summer beach days; the fabulous grad party; and the backyard wedding. Most important, thank God for the times you brought your child to Jesus’ feet through Baptism, regular worship, confirmation, and Christian education.

Yes, there will still be times when you make dinner for four people and five are home or your job gets in the way of family time or you make outright parenting mistakes, but sometimes you can make a dungeon cake for your son’s 28th birthday and all is well. In a Christian family, our inadequacies are covered by the perfect love of Jesus. That is enough!

Ann Ponath

Author: Multiple authors
Volume 112, Number 04
Issue: April 2025