How you can help support someone who has lost a spouse.

Losing a spouse is one of life’s most difficult experiences, transforming a familiar world into something unfamiliar and unwelcome. It pushes you into a club no one chooses to join. While you may seem unchanged outwardly, you are deeply altered inside. For those who have lost a spouse, grief and isolation can become overwhelming, affecting self-esteem, humor, eating habits, and thoughts.

When I suddenly lost my husband of 45 years, I wondered, How am I going to go on alone? It was God’s plan and he guides me, but the impatient me wanted answers. This verse brought me comfort: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). Yet I still didn’t know how to move forward.

Simple pleasures once enjoyed, like watching television together and sharing a bowl of popcorn, have become memories. Silence becomes a constant companion, and navigating this forever-changed life can feel overwhelming. If the newly widowed struggle to navigate this new reality, how can friends be expected to know how to help?

Grief and the transition to a new life are deeply personal journeys, yet many widowed people share common experiences. One of the most common is the loss of friendships, both short- and long-term.

Friendship is a blessing from God. Psalm 133:1 states, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Companionship, comfort, and care are simple joys of friendship that everyone cherishes.

People tend to lose touch with a widowed friend for various reasons. Some believe the grieving need space to mourn, while others fear saying the wrong thing and causing more pain. Some may have been closer to the spouse who died and feel unsure how to connect with the surviving partner.

In most cases, it’s better to reach out and offer support and companionship. Often, small acts of kindness can make a bigger impact than you realize, but understand that the life of the surviving spouse has changed in ways more profound than you can fully comprehend.

Simple pleasures once enjoyed, like watching television together and sharing a bowl of popcorn, have become memories.

After discussing this with a group of widows and widowers, I’d like to offer some gentle suggestions on how to support your grieving friends.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).

• Call, text, or send a note. A simple message—“I’m thinking of you” or “I’m sorry for your loss”—sends goodwill and love, offering comfort without being intrusive.
• Keep extending invitations, even if you’re part of a couple. Sometimes being a “third wheel” is better than being a unicycle. Your friend will appreciate being included.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

• Remember that grief doesn’t have a timeline. The years following a loss may be harder than the immediate aftermath. I continue to get beautiful notes from a friend after three years. When I see the envelope in the mail, I smile and know that someone remembers.
• Let your friend talk. All you have to do is listen. He or she may be having a hard day and need to tell you about it.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15).

• Recognize that decision-making can be difficult. After a loss, even simple decisions can feel overwhelming. Making specific plans and invitations can help ease this burden. Instead of saying, “Let me know when you want to have lunch,” try suggesting, “Would you like to have lunch after church next Sunday?” Sharing a meal with others is a welcome change, especially on Sundays, when you previously shared meals with your spouse.
• Don’t give up on your friend. If he or she declines an invitation, try again later. Grief is a complex journey, and your friend may be more ready to engage at another time.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).

• Talk about your friend’s spouse. It’s okay to talk about the spouse. Read that again, as it really is okay. The spouse who died was an important part of your friend’s life, and keeping his or her memory alive is often comforting. Sharing funny stories or cherished memories can be a meaningful way to connect. We want to know that our loved one is not forgotten.
• Remember your friend on Valentine’s Day. Send or bring flowers, a card, or a special treat your friend likes. Some holidays bring more memories than others.

“. . . a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling” (Psalm 68:5).

• Don’t forget: Any act of kindness matters. Even if you’re unsure of what to say, the most important thing is to reach out.

I pray these suggestions offer reassurance as you support friends who may be struggling with loneliness after a loss. God is with you when reaching out to your friend.

Author: Gretchen Hudock
Volume 113, Number 02
Issue: February 2026