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My friend died and was not a professing Christian. What do I say to the family?
What a tragedy when someone passes away who doesn’t believe in Jesus. “Whoever does not believe will be condemned” (Mark 16:16). How do you give comfort to the family in that circumstance?
Be careful not to say too much
It may be saying too much to say that your friend is in hell. You don’t know his heart. Even though the book of Proverbs says, “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart” (27:19), the Bible also says that all we can do is see the outward appearance. Only God can look at what is in the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
Yet in your desire to give comfort, it is easy to give the impression that the loved one is in heaven by saying something like, “He’s with the Lord.” It is a well-intentioned statement, but good intentions can lead to false hope. When we say too much about a professing unbeliever, we can unintentionally undermine the teachings of Scripture and encourage others to seek comfort outside of Jesus.
Be careful of making baptism into a magic charm
What about if he was baptized as an infant? Baptism is a powerful means of grace, able to create and strengthen faith. Paul says in Titus 3:5, “[God our Savior] saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.” The Bible is clear! Baptism saves by connecting us to Jesus and everything he’s done for us through faith. However, we need to be careful not to make Baptism into a magic charm. Sadly, the faith worked in Baptism can be lost.
Jesus says in Matthew 28:19,20, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son of and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” The Great Commission is to “make disciples.” Jesus uses two governing participles to explain how we do that: “baptizing” and “teaching.” These go hand in hand. God works the miracle of faith in the hearts of infants in baptism, but it is important to continue to feed that faith through the Word. Can you imagine parents feeding their child once and then concluding that the child no longer needs any more nourishment? Faith, if not nourished, can be lost.
Focus on what you know
So when talking to surviving loved ones, focus on the comfort of the gospel. “Now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2). Sometimes, God uses the death of loved one as a wake-up call to call people back to himself if they have been straying. Use this as an opportunity to invite the family to reconnect with God’s Word and his people. This also is a chance to highlight God’s great love for the family by pointing to the promises Jesus gives to his people. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). Help the family find rest in their forgiveness through Jesus as well as confidence at death because of Jesus’ resurrection.
At that time, it may not be possible to hold a long conversation about the comfort we know in Jesus. You may only have time to say something like “I hope you will find comfort in Jesus. Peace be with you.” But that may give you an opportunity to explain more later.
Have a question, ask it here!
Author: David Scharf
Volume 109, Number 09
Issue: September 2022
- Q&A: How can I overcome my struggle with lust and pornography?
- Q&A: How should I help my child struggling with same-sex attraction?
- Q&A: Should Christians pray to saints?
- Q&A: Is anger sinful?
- Q&A: How can parents encourage adult children who wander from the faith?
- Q&A: Does the doxology belong in the Lord’s Prayer?
- Q&A: Is God fair?
- Q&A: When we pray, “Your kingdom come,” what are we praying for?
- Q&A: How can I better manage what God has given me this year so that I glorify him?
- Q&A: What are ways to glorify God besides singing in church?
- Q&A: I have no special gifts, and I mess up all the time. Does God really need me?
- Q&A: How do I overcome the feeling that my life has no purpose and I don’t make a difference?
- Q&A: My friend died and was not a professing Christian. What do I say to the family?
- Q&A: How can my mother and I forgive my father for being unfaithful and causing my parents to divorce?
- Q&A: Why were demon possession, gifts of healing, and gifts of tongues more prevalent in biblical times?
- Q&A: Is Christianity the only religion that gives the certainty of heaven?
- Q&A: If people go to hell, isn’t it their fault because God gave them free will and they rejected him?
- Q&A: Why are the 40 days between Jesus’ resurrection and his ascension important for the disciples and for us?
- Q&A: Can you explain Jesus’ words to the wailing women he met on his way to be crucified?
- Q&A: What if spouses don’t “love” each other anymore?
- Q&A: Is it wrong to have a cross with Jesus’ body on it?
- Q&A: Is our time of grace really unchangeable?
- Q&A: I know that we are saved by grace apart from works, but how can it be that easy?
- Q&A: Are there degrees of glory in heaven as a reward for good works?
- Q&A: Do Lutherans take the Bible literally and teach millennialism?
- Q&A: Are there different interpretations of the Bible?
- Q&A: How can we be sure the Bible includes what God originally gave us?
- Q&A: Why does it seem like Christianity is so negative?
- Q&A: How can I explain how Jesus’ resurrection is possible and if the Bible is reliable?
- Q&A: Is it okay to live together if we are planning to get married?
- Q&A: How is the Bible God’s Word?
- Q&A: Were we “created to make a difference”?
- Q&A: Am I being judgmental if I point out someone’s sin?
- Q&A: Do I need to read the Bible to have a relationship with God?
- Q&A: Can a Christian vote for a political candidate who supports abortion?
- Q&A: Does God really care?
- Q&A: Does it really matter how God made the world?
- Q&A: Does God send people to hell?
- Q&A: Is death natural?
- Q&A: How can I forgive and forget?
- Q&A: Does God help those who help themselves?
- Q&A: How can we say that the Old Testament God is the same as the New Testament God?
- Q&A: Is Jesus the only way to get to heaven?
- Q&A: Doesn’t God want me to be happy?
- Light for our path: Does God hate us?
- Light for our path: What kind of comfort can you give someone when a loved one commits suicide?
- Light for our path: What does a submissive wife in a Christian marriage look like?
- Light for our path: Is it a sin to want to die from a terminal illness?
- Light for our path: What advice can you give about applauding in church?
- Light for our path: Can you please explain Matthew 5:20?
- Light for our path: What is karma?
- Light for our path: Can the devil personally be tempting me and a lot of other people at exactly the same time?
- Light for our path: Does the word Easter refer to Ishtar, the Babylonian fertility goddess?
- Light for our path: What role does emotion play in contrition?
- Light for our path: What does the white stone in Revelation 2:17 mean?
- Light for our path: Is the cross symbol now anti-Christian?
- Light for our path: Were Joseph and Mary engaged or married when Joseph learned of Mary’s pregnancy?
