My nest is not empty, but it is emptying. Just writing that makes me a little emotional. My oldest went off to college last fall, and the entire family is still adjusting to the new normal. It reminds me yet again that parenting is never a static state. We’re always adapting as our children grow and change. Perhaps that’s never more true than as our children head out on their own as adults. First, there’s the void (dinner for four instead of five). Then, there’s the worry (Did I prepare her for life on her own?). Not to mention the change in role from CEO to consultant. If your family is going through some of these growing pains, you’ll appreciate these honest insights from Andrea Semmann.

Nicole Balza

I wrote this article nine years ago, shortly after my husband and I watched our three sons step into the next chapters of their lives. Our often very loud home suddenly grew quiet, and I found myself struggling to adjust to an empty nest. My identity, once wrapped up in raising children, needed reshaping and perhaps some redirecting. At the time, I had no idea how abundantly God would answer my prayers or the paths he would lead us down. Nearly a decade later, I can see with certainty that he had a plan for our family and was guiding us every step of the way.

In 1990, my husband and I embarked on a journey not all that uncommon for many people. We got married.

Three years later, we welcomed our first son. Within four years, we had three sons.

Life was full of change. Most of it was fun. Some of it was tiring and frustrating and involved patiently (or not so patiently) waiting for the next phase of childhood. There were moms’ groups, field trips, baseball, soccer, basketball, band concerts, and piano recitals. My boys’  baptisms seemed to be followed quickly by confirmation and then graduations.

And then it happened. They left.

For us, this transition was a whirlwind of an exodus that included a high school graduation, a college graduation, a wedding, a move nine hours away, a departure for boot camp, and a return to college seven hours away. This all occurred in under 90 days!

Our life had been composed of school and church functions, sports, music, and volunteering. Our calendar was filled to the brim. And then it stopped. Abruptly. Shockingly. What now?

The house was hauntingly quiet. Our calendar was suddenly open. I can honestly say that I was unprepared for what was happening. I felt that I had lost my identity. I definitely went through a period of depression, a sense of loss, and grieving. I did not want this change in my life. I loved being a mom, being busy, volunteering, going to my children’s events, and seeing them regularly. But having said all of that, I really didn’t want my children to live with me forever either!

I must admit that, at first, I just didn’t want to think about it. I worked lots of hours, started cleaning out bedrooms (which stopped almost as fast as it started), tried to figure out how to cook for only two people, and felt lost. My children were gone, and a part of me left with them.

As I began to think about my new reality, I started to think about my opportunities. A Bible class topic regarding our true citizenship being in heaven (Philippians 3:20) started me really thinking. Our time on earth is short. I prayerfully asked God for guidance and to show me how he wants me to serve in the next phase of my life.

So I have set about exploring my opportunities. Some of them are more for me, such as reviving my neglected garden, training for a half-marathon, and completing projects around the house that I simply did not have the time to get to. While all of the above are enjoyable to me, I know that I need something more. God has given you and me talents and abilities that we are expected to use faithfully.

So through much prayer and contemplation, I am going to take some time to really look at my opportunities and make the best decisions that I can as to how to serve. I want to make wise decisions with my time, talents, and treasures. The last thing I want is to fill my schedule with busyness and miss the point of why I am committing to something or end up neglecting those I love as a result. I plan to take time to assess what I really enjoy, what I am good at, and where I think I can best serve. I am going to try out a few opportunities without a long-term commitment to see if I am a good fit. And I will pray that God guides me in making decisions that ultimately serve him and his kingdom.

In the meantime, here is a short list of action items that have helped me realize that each phase of life gives us opportunities to explore and grow in our faith and our ability to serve:

Pray—I have many opportunities to pray for my children as they find spouses, pursue careers, struggle with their own challenges, and celebrate the blessings of God.

Reconnect with my husband—Time together was extremely rare. We now have lots of it! I have noticed our interactions shifting from conversations solely about our children to conversations about us and plans for our future.

Try out hobbies—I can pursue hobbies that I used to enjoy or explore new ones that I simply wasn’t able to until now.

Exercise—Signing up for a race gives me a deadline and commits me to training. I realize that this is not for everyone, but committing to regular daily exercise has so many benefits, including better physical and mental health.

Travel—Since our children now live far away, we have places to go and explore!

Volunteer—I can look for opportunities to serve and commit to helping others, whether they are small, onetime commitments or commitments in a greater capacity.

Change is hard. Change is scary. Change is inevitable. But be still (Psalm 46:10). Listen. God will be there through it all.

Looking back on this journey, I stand amazed at how faithfully God has provided. Four years ago, my husband and I took a leap of faith, moving from Wisconsin to Arizona, where we discovered new opportunities to serve and share Christ’s love. Through all these changes, I’ve come to realize that every chapter of life can be a beautiful vessel for God’s grace. He truly does work all things for our good and his glory, even (or especially) when we feel unsure about the road ahead. If you’re facing a change today, know that you are never alone. Trust his promise to guide you, embrace the new doors he opens, and rest in his unwavering presence.

The original article was printed by Christian Family Solutions in 2016.

Author: Andrea Semmann
Volume 112, Number 05
Issue: May 2025