Am I supposed to forgive someone who doesn’t repent?

On July 23, 2025, the sentencing hearing was held for Bryan Kohberger, who confessed to the brutal murder of four college students in Utah. The families of the victims were allowed to speak. Obviously, they were emotional. Many were angry. All were hurt. One statement stood out. It was spoken by the mother of one of the victims: “Jesus has allowed me to forgive you for murdering my daughter without you even being sorry or asking for this.”¹

That brings us to our question: “Am I supposed to forgive someone who doesn’t repent?”

Forgiving others’ sins

First, let’s ask another question: “Can I forgive someone their sins?” The simple answer is no. The story of the healing of the paralyzed man verifies this. Presented with a paralyzed man, Jesus forgave his sins. Some teachers of the law quietly criticized Jesus in their hearts, “Who can forgive sins but God alone?” (Mark 2:7). They were right. Only God can forgive sins. Jesus knew their thoughts and proceeded to prove he is God—and prove he can forgive sins—by performing a “God only can do” miracle by commanding the paralyzed man to walk. He walked.

Although only God can forgive sins, Jesus authorizes us to forgive sins in his name: “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; . . . whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 16:19). “If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven” (John 20:23).

We call this the ministry of the keys. Jesus gives us his keys to his house and tells us to let people in. We use those keys through our pastor, who forgives the sins we confess before God and each other. Jesus gives our pastors authority to do this. Our pastors’ words are just as effective as if Jesus spoke them to us: “As a called servant of Christ and by his authority, I forgive you all your sins in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” Amen. Believe it; it is true. Don’t let these words of forgiveness go in one ear and out the other. Relish every syllable.

But pastors aren’t the only ones who possess these keys. Jesus gives them to every Christian, who by faith becomes part of a chosen people, a holy nation, a royal priesthood (see 1 Peter 2:9). We all can forgive sins by the authority of Jesus Christ. We are relieved when we read in God’s Word that we are forgiven. He involves a couple more senses when we hear the words spoken and see a smiling face behind the words. What a privilege to forgive sins. We rejoice with the angels who cheer over one sinner who repents. Blessed are the feet of those who bring good news.

Binding others’ sins to them

I didn’t quote the previous passages in their entirety. Let me quote them in full. “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (emphasis added). “If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven” (emphasis added).

Jesus gives us two keys, one to unlock heaven and the other to lock it.

That sounds counterintuitive. Our mission as his church is to unlock heaven by forgiving sinners in his name. That makes sense. That is fun to do.

But that “locking” or binding key does not contradict this mission. It is a loving attempt to lead people to repentance where there is none. Repentance is a “turning around.” It is realizing we are going in the wrong direction (remorse and terror that we have sinned), turning around in the right direction (trust that we are forgiven for the sake of Jesus), and proceeding in that right direction (desire to amend our sinful lives on our way to heaven). But repentance will not happen until we realize we are going the wrong way.

Those who do not repent are lying about their sin (1 John 1:8-10). They would rather sin than be forgiven (Hebrews 10:26-27). So we speak with them. We urge them to repent. We eventually involve others (see Matthew chapter 18). The day may come when the church still uses this key to bind them to their sins, acknowledging the truth that the unrepentant choose to be numbered among the “pagans” outside the kingdom. But this is more than a verdict. We use this key in the loving hope that the unrepentant will realize the gravity of their sin and repent so we can use the loosing key to forgive them.

Letting go of vengeance

Scripture is clear. We forgive those who repent and refuse forgiveness to those who refuse to repent. So was that grieving mother wrong in what she said? No.

Let’s turn the focus from the unrepentant to you and me. Let’s look at the attitude or heart of the believer. We can’t tell the unrepentant that heaven is open to them. We wish we could. We, that is our new self or our new “born of the Spirit” nature, want what God wants: to forgive sinners. That is what we pray with the words, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” The two go hand in hand. Our forgiveness moves us to forgive others. We forgive others as we want to be forgiven by Christ. Both are present and necessary like wings on an airplane. When one is absent, then something is wrong. Just ask the unmerciful servant (see Matthew 18:21-35).

While we cannot use the loosing key on an unrepentant sinner, we still can have forgiveness in our hearts.

So while we cannot use the loosing key on an unrepentant sinner, we still can have forgiveness in our hearts. This is a confession of faith in the one who drives our sins as far away as the east is from the west. This is a fruit of faith, as love keeps no record of wrongs. It is a tool to combat our sinful nature, which wants to hold a grudge, get revenge, stay bitter, and make that person suffer. It may serve as a call to our own repentance if we don’t have the desire to forgive. In a sense, we forgive that person as we refuse to cling to bitterness and hatred even when he or she forces us to use the binding key. “I want to forgive you, but you will not let me.”

That grieving mother realized that the murderer of her daughter was neither sorry nor requested forgiveness, but she learned forgiveness from Jesus. It doesn’t come naturally. We forgive because Christ forgives us. She also learned to let go of hatred and vengeance. As hard as it was, she had forgiveness in her heart.

As people who have been forgiven much by Jesus, may we not succumb to a vengeful, sinful nature. Rather, may we be filled with forgiveness even when forced to apply the binding key. And then may we pray for the day we can use the loosing key to open heaven to another repentant sinner.

¹washingtonstand.com/commentary/mother-of-kohberger-victim-shows-how-christians-should-respond-in-the-face-of-evil

Author: Matthew Rauh
Volume 113, Number 09
Issue: September 2026
Photo: iStock