When does persistent praying become selfish praying?

A father is actively applying for job openings in a different state. The postings offer better wages and hours, more time with family, and just a short drive away from elderly parents. He reads about how persistently Abraham prayed for the welfare of his nephew Lot (Genesis 18:16-33) and decides, “I’m going to ask God boldly and daily to land me one of these jobs.” But after months of applying and not getting a single interview, he starts to wonder: Have I been praying persistently or selfishly?

A mother desperately desires to be cured of her cancer. She has teenage and toddler children to care for and gifts and a passion to serve the church. She reads Jesus’ parable about the persistent widow who wore out the judge with her pleas for justice (Luke 18:1-8) and decides, “I’m going to cry out to God day and night to cure me of my cancer and not give up.” But as one treatment after another is ineffective, she starts to wonder: Is my persistent prayer becoming selfish?

Have you ever felt this way? When does persistent praying become selfish praying?

Ask God to fulfill his promises

Perhaps the best place to start is this certain truth: Persistent prayers are never selfish prayers when we pray according to God’s will. The apostle John wrote, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14,15). If we are asking for something God wants to give us, it is never selfish to keep asking him to do what he has promised.

That’s why the night before Jacob was to meet his angry brother Esau, he could insist, “I will not let you go unless you bless me” (Genesis 32:26), as he wrestled with God. Right before that wrestling match, Jacob had prayed, “Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted’ ” (Genesis 32:11,12). God had promised that he would make Jacob into a great nation, so Jacob knew God had to save him and his family from a vengeful brother.

In the same way, when you desire to pray persistently, find a promise of God and don’t give up. The father who desires a better job can pray, “Jesus, you promised, ‘Don’t worry about food and clothes. Seek my kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well’ (see Luke 12:31). So I’m going to keep praying, ‘Give me this day my daily bread,’ and not let you go until you bless me.” The mother who desires to be cancer-free can pray, “Lord, you promised that you work everything out for the good of those who love you (see Romans 8:28), so I’m going to keep praying, ‘Use this cancer for my good,’ and not let you go until you bless me.”

Follow examples of persistent prayer

Of course, the challenge in praying persistently is asking for things that may or may not be in accordance with God’s will. Those prayers certainly aren’t wrong. We know God can do anything. We know we can ask God for anything. But does the father know that God wants him to have that better job? Does the mother know that God wants to cure her cancer? And if we persistently pray for something, and it seems that God keeps saying no, are we being selfish if we keep asking? How do we know?

First, follow Paul’s example of persistent prayer. Paul really wanted God to remove the thorn in his flesh that Satan was using to hinder Paul’s ministry and torment his conscience. But after persistently praying three times, “Please take this away!” God told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Whether or not God removed Paul’s thorn later, the promise Paul could count on is that God would use this weakness to make him spiritually strong. The father who finds his current job a hindrance can persistently pray, “Lord, whether or not I land the out-of-state job I want, help me trust that your grace is sufficient for me and that you will use this thorn in the flesh to make me spiritually strong.”

Selfish praying isn’t Jesus’ main concern; not praying is.

Second, follow Jesus’ example of persistent prayer the night before his crucifixion. As true God and true man, Jesus agonized over the suffering, death, and punishment for sin that awaited him. He asked, if it were possible, to be spared from that suffering. But even as he prayed persistently three times, “If it is possible, may this cup be taken from me,” he also prayed three times, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” The mother with cancer who really doesn’t want to die yet and really doesn’t know if God wants her to die at this time can pray with the same persistence: “Lord, everything is possible for you. Take this cancer from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

Keep praying

If you’re ever worried whether your persistent prayer is becoming selfish, it’s good to remember that selfish praying isn’t Jesus’ main concern; not praying is. Jesus taught the disciples the parable of the persistent widow so that they “should always pray and not give up” (Luke 18:1). Sadly, Christians get impatient when God doesn’t answer their prayers as quickly as they want. Jesus lamented at the end of his explanation of the parable, “When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8). Will there be anyone with a faith that prays persistently?

Yes, Christians are more in danger of giving up on prayer than praying selfishly. So, find those promises of God in Scripture, and keep praying.

Author: Michael Vogel
Volume 112, Number 10
Issue: October 2025

Prayer book suggestions

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• My Prayer Book: more than 200 prayers that help you find the words for any situation.

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