We live in a society that reviews and re-evaluates just about everything on a regular basis. It feels natural to have that same critical mindset about our parenting. When we reflect on words we have said or things we have done, it’s easy to feel that we could have said or done something better. We can have lingering feelings of regret and guilt, which might even be intense.
The reality of living in a sinful world is that you’re not going to be a perfect parent. Sometimes, you’re going to be a bad example for your children. You will do what you shouldn’t do, and you will fail to do something you should. You might do the wrong thing for the right reason. And there might even be times when, no matter how hard you try, you’ll be stuck between two bad choices, both of which are going to hurt at least one of your children in some way.
Logically, we realize that we don’t fail our children all the time. The vast majority of our kids are fed regularly, are wearing (reasonably clean) clothes, and have a roof over their heads. The basics are covered. But if we’re honest, we probably don’t have to think too hard to come up with something we’ve done to our child about which we still feel guilty. What can we do to assuage our feelings of guilt and regret?
First, know without a doubt that your sins have been forgiven. As children of God, we are blameless in his eyes. Because of God’s grace towards us, we also can apologize to our children for how we have hurt them. It’s a powerful parenting lesson for our children when we demonstrate repentance and forgiveness in action.
Despite the forgiveness we have, consequences of our sin may remain. Guilty feelings can linger. When we remember what we did, we may feel that we can’t forgive ourselves. But if God can unconditionally forgive us, then we also are free to forgive ourselves. In fact, God wants us to forgive ourselves! He doesn’t want us to live with feelings of shame and regret.
But what can we do about our lingering regret, especially if our sin caused lasting consequences for our child? Romans 8:28 says, “All things work together for good to those who love God.” God promises to use the broken pieces of our life to create something beautiful that glorifies him. God will not abandon us, even when nothing we’ve done has turned out as we’d hoped or expected.
God loves our children more perfectly than we ever can. We are his children, and our children are his children, too. Our heavenly Father is the perfect parent, who promises to love us, care for us, and work everything that we do (or fail to do) in our lives for the good of all his children.
Relax in that knowledge, fellow parents. God has it all under control.
Emily Gresens Strey and her husband, Johnold, have four children ranging in age from 2-13.