In August, some of Heart to heart’s contributing authors shared their best parenting advice. (If you missed it, read them here!) Then I turned the tables and asked you to submit your best parenting advice. I’m happy to share a few great tidbits with you here. We named this column Heart to heart: Parent conversations because we want to hear from you. Please keep sending your parenting thoughts to firstname.lastname@example.org.
In addition, this month I’m sharing a snippet from John Juern’s book, Patient Parenting: Raising Your Kids in the Shadow of the Cross. In this excerpt, Juern goes to the heart of Christian parenting, and it’s a reminder that I need every day. May it bless your family as well.
Our readers respond:
What parenting advice do you give?
Don’t hold yourself to the high standards you form in your mind from social media posts and memes! – Sarah Mayer
There is no one perfect way to parent. Soak in the advice given but trust your gut and your God to know what’s best for you and your kiddos. – Mary Hansen
Read to those littles! – Sallie Draper
Be respectful of, be honest with [your children]. Think of “discipline” as positive proactive motivations to guide and develop favored behaviors rather than punitive means of correction to humiliate. – Ann Hubbard Waltz
Take nothing for granted. Appreciate your kids no matter what. Be firm, show discipline, but educate them why you are doing it. – Ryan Thomas
I was part of a small group Bible study for dads at my church where a fellow dad shared books that studied why youth will often eventually leave the church and what we can do about it. (Since then I’ve read other articles and a book affirming the information he shared.) Kids will many times leave the church if they don’t see faith play out in their parents’ lives.
It can be easy to take our children to worship and Sunday school and send them to Lutheran schools and think we’re set (and we certainly thank God for using these church leaders to nurture our kids’ faith!). However, children so look up to their parents that what happens at home has a major impact.
We parents should be in the Word at home personally and with our families. We will joyfully attend church and Bible studies. We will show love to others and be intentional about evangelism. We can address life problems from a spiritual perspective and teach our kids that prayer to God is not a last resort but the primary place we should turn. Especially as kids get older we can address challenges against Christianity so that they learn to turn to the Word to “always be prepared” (1 Peter 3:15). We emphasize God’s grace, apologizing and forgiveness, fresh starts.
Just as we help our kids grow in the academic, athletic, and social aspects of life, we guide them in their growth in understanding and practice of their Christian faith.
– Adam Goede
What’s the best parenting advice you received?
Well, my Mami wasn’t a person who gives me [much] advice, but she gives me the best example as a godly woman. I remember clearly—and with tears in my face—her last advice before [I headed] to the USA from my country, El Salvador, when I was 18 years old. She said to me: “Love of my life, take care of yourself. Don’t eat many carbohydrates and eat lots of fruits and veggies. And the most important thing in this life for you is this: Stick to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and never consider to change to another doctrine. Always be a Lutheran girl, attached to the Bible. I pray to the Holy Spirit for this.” I wasn’t very obedient with her food advice, but the Holy Spirit never let me change my faith in my Savior. I’m still a Lutheran girl. Thank you, Jesus, for that! – Dali Campos
Advice from a Christian psychologist
For the Christian child, obedience to parents flows out of a love for Jesus. All of us as Christians—adults or children—do what we do because it’s our way of showing our gratitude for all that the Lord has done for us, beginning with his gracious gift of salvation. The Bible says it this way: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
This is a fundamental principle: We obey God by living according to the Ten Commandments, and we live that Christian life out of love for him. So, the essence of all Christian discipline is serving the Lord with our lives.
Loving the Lord doesn’t happen on its own. The Holy Spirit plants the seed for such an obedient life at the moment of Baptism. And God is with Christian parents every day as they teach children that misbehavior and disobedience are sins. It’s really quite simple: Christian parents teach their children that wrong is wrong because it ignores God’s Ten Commandments.
But along with teaching children right from wrong, parents need to tell their children about the wonderful gift of forgiveness that is theirs through faith in Christ Jesus. Their sins are forgiven. That forgiveness brings joy. And the joy is expressed in the children’s obedience. It’s that message of forgiveness that motivates them.
Yes, a child will sin again. And probably again and again. But each time, there is forgiveness and joy and a renewed commitment to do God’s will.
Parents don’t need to go through this explanation every time their child does something wrong. The key is to remain consistent with God’s will in setting rules and expectations for children; let the Ten Commandments set the standard.
There is still an appropriate time and place for time-outs, grounding, other types of punishment. Sin has consequences. Star charts posted on the refrigerator door and surprise hugs can still reinforce good behavior. But these things in and of themselves do not bring about compliant behavior. Christian children obey their parents because they love their Savior.
Reprinted from Patient Parenting: Raising Your Kids in the Shadow of the Cross by John Juern.