Thanks to social media, I was able to poll many, many moms on what they wished they knew when they were new moms. I was able to take the pieces of advice and break it down to five basic themes.
- Stop comparing! All of it! Don’t compare how you look to others. Don’t compare what your children have or don’t have to others. Don’t compare how your children behave to others. Don’t compare how you’re parenting to others. Both ways. Do not shame yourself for not having it all together and please, please do not judge other moms for doing it differently than you. There are so many ways to parent, and most of them are God-honoring.
- Take care of yourself. First, continue to date your husband. Make that relationship a priority. Get sleep. Seek out your friends. Find time for solitude. Find time to do things you love.
- Find a community. Seek out a community of moms. Help each other. Ask for help. Receive it when offered. Cheer each other on and be encouraging. Share with each other. Cry together. If you have a community but they don’t do these things, find another community. My friends have been instrumental in my survival of parenting.
- You are fully equipped. You know the Scriptures, and they “are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 3:15). You know the depth of God’s love for you and your children. You understand forgiveness, and you can turn to the Scripture for guidance. The Scriptures make you “thoroughly equipped for every good work” (3:17). And you are doing good work.
- Grace. God’s love lives in you and you can reflect that love in your day to day life. Live in God’s grace. Help your children live in that same grace. Encourage other moms to find comfort and energy in that grace. Remember that our God pursues our children, and he loves them even more than we do. He loves you too. Passionately. There is nothing you can do to make him love you more and there is nothing you can do to make him love you less. Just because you don’t feel that way doesn’t make it any less true. Hold on to truth.
As I look at this list, the themes here go way beyond parenting. They speak to everyday life wherever you are in your Christian journey. Psalm 119:140 says, “Your promises have been thoroughly tested; that is why I love them so much.” Trust in his promises. They never fail.
Jenni Schubring and her husband, Tad, have five children ranging in age from 8 to 16. They are also licensed foster parents.