Sometimes I feel like that old comedian who after every joke tugged at his collar and whined, “I tell ya, I get no respect.”
My boys don’t always show respect. And that’s a problem—not just with me, but with God who commands, “Honor your father and your mother . . . ” (Exodus 20:12) and “You must respect [your] mother and father” (Leviticus 19:3).
So, if I’m going to be a faithful and loving parent, I’m going to have to teach my kids to show me respect. But that’s hard, because my sinful anger gets in the way whenever I feel disrespected. So before I consider my relationship with my kids, I need to consider my relationship to God. How well do I respect him?
If I’m honest, I have to admit that I disrespect God every time I sin—even when that sin is prompted by my boys’ disrespect. I in essence say to God what my boys say to me, “What I want is more important than what you want. I choose to make myself the authority instead of you.”
How does God handle it? He doesn’t allow me to talk back to him without consequences—a fight in the family, a greater struggle in our home. He teaches me that it’s not okay to do things my way instead of his way in love. “The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son” (Hebrews 12:6).
So, too, I won’t allow my boys to talk back to me without consequences. I will discipline them (with great patience and careful instruction) when they are disrespectful.
But that’s not all God does. He doesn’t just discipline me with his law. He also earns my respect and—even more—he earns my love by his gospel. He sent his own Son to face the disrespect and torture of sinful men, to be crucified on a cross for me. And now I am completely forgiven for my disrespectful attitude and for every sin that has resulted from it. This moves me to love and respect God and want to live for him.
So, too, I will try to earn my boys’ respect—and their love—by showing my love for them. I will try to motivate my boys to show respect by showing them how much God loves them in Christ. And with his help, using his law and his gospel, I will learn to better respect God, and my boys will better learn to respect me—all out of love for him.
Online exclusive . . . more from Rob Guenther on this subject
I’ll admit that this article was very difficult for me to write. I don’t have the answers to this challenge. I kind of feel like a hypocrite writing it because my kids don’t always show me respect. And when they don’t, I too often lose my cool and sin against them. We’re working on it. And thank God that we have his forgiveness in Christ.
But in searching for help to write this, I bought the book Love and Respect in the Family by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. And I think it’s very well written. It doesn’t just give practical tips for the parent/child relationship but even highlights Christ and his love for us that motivates and empowers us.
Dr. Eggerichs points out that maybe God doesn’t just bless kids with parents. Maybe sometimes he blesses parents with kids, through whom he teaches us to rely less on ourselves and our own wisdom and more on him in prayer and in his Word. It’s pushed me to pray for my boys more and has given me new insights into ways I can interact with them. I would strongly recommend that any parent struggling with the challenge of their children showing little respect would get a copy and read it (or listen to it if you’re not a reader).